I don’t know what I’m going to write. This post is for my “Christian Journey” blog, but I don’t know how comfortably it will fit. Covid-19 is part of all our journeys today, and I feel that I need to write about what I see, in others and in myself. I still don’t know what I’m going to write. I’ll just start, and see where I go.
I’ve been affected personally by the pandemic. Not as hard as many millions, but I’ve lost a friend of over 20 years who made me smile countless times. I don’t know if it’s that, or the loneliness of lockdown, but I’ve started getting quite upset, and angry, about some of the things I’m reading.
There’s the ridiculous conspiracy theories. As if this situation was deliberately engineered, or at least manipulated to subjugate or decimate the population. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a huge number of bad decisions made in my own and other countries. Some people may have even made cynical attempts to gain from human misery. But whatever the genesis of this strain of coronavirus, its spread from the beginning has been the result of natural behaviours, viral and human. There is no evidence to the contrary, just theories concocted to satisfy particular world views. When I read the imaginations of conspiracists I don’t know how to feel. There’s anger that they and those who believe them are diverting precious time and energy from more helpful pursuits. There’s sadness that some hurting people will be fooled into believing fairy tales at a time when their emotions are most fragile and malleable. And there’s frustration that no amount of reasoned argument can change their mind, because if I don’t accept their narrative I’m either part of the problem or one of the gullible masses.
There’s the claims that the virus isn’t as contagious or as deadly as we’re told, and that the restrictions to our civil liberties are out of proportion to the threat. I’ve heard people suggest that the fact that the NHS hasn’t been completely overwhelmed shows that the UK government overreacted. I work in IT, and I have done for nearly 25 years, which means I was there at the heart of the Y2K panic. When we didn’t suffer blackouts and ATM failures and planes falling out of sky there was a large number of the population that ridiculed the effort and expense of fixing the “millennium bug.” I can tell you that there was a huge amount of code that had been written without any expectation of still running in the year 2000, or what the consequences might be. If the remedial work hadn’t taken place then it probably wouldn’t have caused an apocalypse but many companies and authorities would have suffered massive system failures and this would have led to all kinds of stresses for members of the public. Similarly, without social distancing and other precautions the already dreadful number of Covid-19 fatalities would definitely have been many times higher. Here’s an interesting article explaining how this can be demonstrated in responses to the 1918 influenza pandemic.
There’s the small number of religious leaders who don’t understand that God is omnipresent, who don’t understand that a church building is just a building, not the church, and who hold on to either a paranoid idea that government is trying to destroy religion by treating them the same as other groups, or a messianic belief that their congregations will be lost to the darkness if kept away from their physical presence for too long. I’m grateful to be part of a faith community that understands and works with the realities of this world while seeking practical ways to improve that reality for those who are truly oppressed.
And of course there are the political leaders who have failed to lead effectively. As I said to my friends on Facebook, I don’t expect perfection from members of the government any more than I would from any other human being. But I do expect a few things. I expect them to forego secrecy and spin in the face of a national and global crisis. I expect them to learn from their mistakes and from the successes of leaders elsewhere – not when this is all over, but now, while learning from mistakes could save lives. I told my friends there were three qualities I was looking for in our leaders: honesty, humility and compassion. Sadly in many countries, including my own, it’s hard to find leaders with all three of those qualities.
I don’t like the way the pandemic has highlighted the flaws in my own character. I’ve always known I have some hypocritical tendencies. I will look out of my window and make judgemental assessments of people walking or driving past, while trying so hard to control my own urge to go out for frivolous journeys and visits.
I like to think of myself as witty. It’s probably closer to the truth to say I have quite a dry, dark and bitter sense of humour. Part of me feels that this is the time for such humour to shine, but in fact as the death toll has risen things have got ever more serious, and I know that many of my humorous remarks would be inappropriate and hurtful, so I’m learning to rein them in.
And of course the situation we’re in is nurturing my negative emotions. There’s the anger and frustration I’ve already described. There are times of deep loneliness, sadness, bitterness and jealousy. My days have their bright moments as well, to be sure, but I feel that as lockdown continues the dark feelings get stronger.
What can I do? Trust God, of course, because through all our trials He is faithful. Remember that this will pass, and that those of us who survive will be stronger for what we’ve learned through it. And if all else fails, I’ll probably indulge in some chocolate. 🙂
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Psalm 23 (ESVUK)