I made it! I succeeded in posting every day for two weeks, and my timing only slipped at the end of the period.
The discipline of regular writing, as well as the subject matter, has given me a lot to think about in itself.
First, I sometimes felt uncomfortable with what I was sharing on what is supposed to be a Christian blog. If I recognised biblical echoes I would share references or scripture fragments, but to some extent it felt like I was indulging myself.
Is that such a bad thing? Isn’t that one purpose of a blog – to reveal yourself and your ideas to the world? Isn’t it everyone’s right to respectfully express themselves? And isn’t God interested in every aspect of our lives – so there shouldn’t really be a sacred/secular divide? I think the answer to all three of those questions is yes, but I still worry.
Second, I opened myself up in a lot more detail than I am used to doing, even with most friends and family. I think it was time to do it, but it wasn’t easy. On the other hand, censoring myself would have been even harder, and would have bled the authenticity out of my words. I don’t expect all my future posts to be quite so revealing, but now that a door has been unlocked I should feel able to talk more freely in the future whenever necessary.
Third, I think there were times when I reached the limit of my mental energy during this exercise.
It might seem strange, when I typically wrote just a few paragraphs, but I would often finish writing simply because I couldn’t summon the energy to continue developing the thoughts I’d embarked on. It was frustrating because I would often know there was much more I wanted to say, to expand or clarify on my reflections, but I knew that if I carried on I would lose structure and my words would turn into some kind of stream of consciousness, which might have been interesting on some level, but would have weakened the points I was trying to get across.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m still fragile.
Fourth, despite these struggles and concerns, I feel liberated by the experience of the last fortnight. I’ve known for a long time that I want to write more, one way or another, and this has confirmed that desire. I don’t know what form my writing will take in the future, but it will develop.
Looking to the future of this blog in particular, I can only continue to represent Christ as well as I’m able, and to share my thoughts on Him, and how He shapes me, and how He carries me through the storms of life.
I feel a great responsibility whenever I write. My readership may number in the dozens or low hundreds, compared to the millions influenced by some in this world, but every one of my readers matters to me. I want to be true to myself and my God. I want to be a friend and a comfort to some, and a thought-provoking challenge to others. None of us have all the answers, but hopefully I can at least ask some of the right questions.
Thank you for sharing this leg of my journey. You’ll be hearing from me again, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of my life.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.’
Exodus 14:14 NIVUK
‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’
John 16:33 NIVUK
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 4:1-4, 6 NIVUK
One thought on “Daily Reflection – Conclusion”
Such a clear expression of your thoughts here, and they seem very similar to ones I’ve had myself.
Being a human is difficult, sometimes, isn’t it? Being with God makes it easier, I am finding. I came to belief rather late, and I think I’ll probably spend the rest of my life trying to improve my understanding.
Reading and communicating with other Christians who have a similar frame of reference makes the load lighter from time to time. :). Indulging yourself isn’t always a sin. It’s about the heart and about intent. Joy is not self-indulgent. Enjoying the act of communicating or introspection–enjoying the act of writing it down and sharing it–none of that is inherently bad. Enjoy the ability to enjoy being who and what you are. There’s nothing wrong in that.
There is a huge difference between rank narcissism and simply wanting to be seen and heard. Thinkers are so very hard on themselves, sometimes.
Thanks for sharing. Please continue to do it in the future. You made me smile a half a world away, and that’s not worth nothing.